Give me a fish and I eat for a day. Teach me to fish and I eat for a lifetime.

Now that the major party conventions are over, I’m dismayed over the complete neglect of one of the most important industries and pressure groups in America: recreational fishing and fisherpersons. As this is an activity that is near and dear to my heart, I’ve taken the liberty to construct what I believe should be included in party platforms. I look forward to their additions at the next conventions.

Democrats: To level the fishing field, we must provide fish stamps to all persons earning less than $250,000. Fish stamps can be used to purchase boats, motors and fishing gear. The poorest among us will qualify for FISHAID and also receive free bait and fish cleaning services. Newly hired federal employees will provide these services. Growth in federal employment will carry the U.S. to prosperity. Remember, you did not catch it yourself.

Republicans: Realizing the importance of recreational fishing and the teaching of fishing so that people can eat forever, we will make all personal expenditures on fishing-related items tax deductible. Some misguided economists have suggested that such a program is nothing but a disguised subsidy program. It is no such thing—it is a tax reduction designed to increase production.

Libertarians: No government in the boardroom, no government in the bedroom and no government in the boat.